Red Flags vs. Real Growth: Discerning What’s Worth Your Time

When you’ve done the work to heal and grow, you become more aware of what feels off—but that doesn’t always make it easy to tell the difference between someone who’s genuinely growing and someone who simply isn’t ready. Dating with wisdom means learning to recognize the signs and having the courage to choose clarity over potential.

Scripture reminds us in Matthew 7:16, “You will know them by their fruits.” Talk is cheap. Real growth produces visible, consistent change. If you’re constantly second-guessing someone’s words, actions, or intentions, it may be time to pay attention to what their fruit is telling you.

Here’s how to tell the difference between a red flag and real growth:

• Red Flags

• Repeated patterns of dishonesty, inconsistency, or manipulation

• A lack of accountability or refusal to take responsibility

• Disrespect for your boundaries or emotional needs

• Fast intimacy but shallow connection

• Spiritually misaligned or uninterested in God’s leadership

• Signs of Real Growth

• A willingness to be honest and transparent, even when it’s hard

• Active steps toward healing and maturity (therapy, mentorship, spiritual growth)

• Respect for your boundaries and a desire to honor you

• Humility, accountability, and openness to feedback

• A desire to grow in faith, not just to please you, but to please God

God doesn’t call you to fix, rescue, or wait indefinitely for someone to become who you need. He calls you to guard your heart, walk in truth, and trust Him with your desires. It’s okay to walk away from someone who’s not ready. That’s not pride—it’s protection.

Journal Prompt:
Have I ever confused potential for progress? What patterns or red flags have I ignored in the past, and what did I learn from those experiences?

Reflect on a past relationship or connection that challenged your discernment. Ask God to sharpen your spiritual vision so you can recognize real growth—and walk away from what isn’t God’s best.